SURAGU’s Marijuana Reviews

(SURAGUの大麻レビュー!!)

Creativity, It’s a known fact that grass increases creativity from eight to eleven times. In fact, everyone finds they’re more creative stoned than straight. Humans have always been very creative at the time to get high. In Spain, stoners were so bored that they found a legal loophole that allowed them to legally consume and sell dispense Cannabis buds. Since I joined one of those clubs, my vision of a fucking plant has changed so damn much. Like everything in contemporany society, you have so much choice it’s depressing. In this post I will review all the strains I have tried.

I won’t say “this shit dope” because that would be too boring. And I’m also not going to explain how each bud helps you with insomnia, anxiety, depression and ADHD because despite recent research shows it’s not so darn harmful, i’m not an idiot either.

So I’ll review the buds using Pen & Pixel Graphics album covers (update: at this point i use just whatever). I am not rating the weed on how good the album is. Just in how weird the cover is.

I’d like to thank my friend Endemic for the idea of making weed reviews with album covers, for showing me all this awesome music and helping me choose the covers.

Whatever weed you’re smoking. And despite whatever these reviews says about each strain, there’s this quote from Kabuto Makai I the Great that you should never forget:

“Sea Indica o Sativa me da igual que guay está la keli echandose un mai”

This post does not want to promote cannabis comsumption. This post is entirely made with educational purposes.

If you’re under 18 or 21 if you’re american, close this tab. Or don’t. I’m a paragraph, not a cop.

If you live in the Iberian Peninsula (that is, Spain, Portugal or Andorra) you can buy your weed stuff with this link Yes it’s a referal link but i’m not selling out you gotta understand I’m a young man from Ghetto who gotta hustle.

Amnesia (grass)

Amnesia Haze is a classic, is a strain that anyone who has been smoking real weed for more than 2 minutes has tried. With more than 20% of THC, the shit will get anyone high. I will give this strain the rating of DJ Screw - The Legend.

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DJ Screw in the sky with a skull behind him it’s something I could have never thought of. And going to a cannabis club is also something I would have never thought of. I also find it pretty funny that there’s a car with Screw by its side.

Amnesia (Hash)

Advantages of going to a Cannabis Social Club is that you know that you’re smoking quality grass and quality hash. The hash here is made by the dudes who work at the club, not by a moor sweating in his room. So it has a very high quality.

The thing with hash is that it is hash. Too strong for some. But me? It only leaves me thinking very weird funny things and I’m so relaxed I can’t move. Then I move to some kind of backrooms. In which I find myself listening to whatever Antonio Recio is saying. Great experience. Amnesia Hash deservers nothing less than Lil Keke - The commision

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Where do I start? Where are them? First time I thought it I felt like this was a GTA San Andreas mission. Like the dudes are in the Four Dragons Casino. And I like how the dude is peacefully smoking a cigar when he got 2 bodyguards. I don’t know. It is pretty surreal.

Amnesia Hy-Pro

I don’t even know what Hy-Pro means. The friend who sold me this told me that it has a shitton of THC. I believe him. It did indeed had a shit ton of THC. It was a psychedelic experience. So high I didn’t even know my name. I have not felt something similar to that since then. So I can give this thing nothing less than Juvenile - 400 Degrees

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I wish I could know where to start with this cover. First we can see that they’re in hell. And there’s this dude burning money. and a gold watch. Dude’s rich and he’s showing off. Then we can see, similary to DJ Screw’s The Legend, a giant face of the same dude in the sky. Presumably Juvenile is the devil. If you look both at the left and right side, you can see, scot-free, hookers. Why are there hookers in hell? I can’t tell. Then you have the Parental Advisory sticker. I couldn’t have known.

Chocolope

Chocolope is a Sativa-Dominant strain. Marijuana journalists says that it has a sweet flavour, tasting simillary to chocolate. In my experience, it just tasted like marijuana smoke. I’ve had better highs in my life. Nevertheless Chocolope is a good strain that gives a good effect. Used it to saw Perturbator live and had a great experience. The Chocolope deserves Three 6 Mafia - The end

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I don’t even know how to explain this cover. What are they on? Is that a car? A giant stereo? I genuinely can’t tell. But for some reason they’re into outer space and you can see the earth behind them. The earth is exploding. Maybe it is trying to say that only Three 6 Mafia survived the apocalypse by riding a giant stereo. Riding a giant stereo to outer space is something that could only happen in Memphis, Tennessee.

Unknown Indica Strain

We got a Special Joint for this mysterious strain we can’t remember the name of. We have vague indications that the strain name was “Wedding cake”. Thing is that we thought that C. Indica were for pussies. We were so damn wrong. We were nailed to the couch for at least 15 minutes. To this thing I can only give SSUR - Guerrillas in the midst

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Why does the Che Guevara look like a Monkey, why are there hookers if they’re in the guerrilla. What’s up with the explosion, what’s with all the money? I’d frame this cover if I could.

Terps (Hash)

It is impossible for a Allah’s Follower to make bad hash. These “Terps” is dry extraction of hash. I don’t know what “Dry” means. My Marijuana Master doesn’t know what “Dry” is. So I just asume it is just zoomer expression to say that a hash is good. But to answer the question if “Was it good?” The answer is the following picture:

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We smoked this hash mixed with Weed Marijuana. When we left the CSC, we were in another dimension. Sadly we had to catch the bus later. We were there and all of us started to feel exagerately dizzy. I don’t rememebr anything that happened in the hour of bus. I just remember that I was listening to some music, I can only rememeber “My mind went blank” my DJ Screw (The Legend). Then they woke me up. First thing I see is a bottle full of vomit.

Santa Sativa

santa: 1. adj sacred; hallowed: holy ground

Santa Sativa is a Sativa Dominant Weed Marijuana strain. Relatively high THC and low CBD. First time we tried this the Terps Incident happened. So the weed must have been good shit. Then we smoked this shit and unbeliable things happened. Everyone I thought to be Cannabic Senseis said this strain was one of the best herbs they have ever consumed. Thus, this strain deserves nothing less than: Snoop Dogg - Da Game Is To Be Sold. Not To Be Told.

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This masterpiece of the contemporany art is deleightful for our eyes. We can see the motherfucking d-o double g holding a walking stick made from gold. For undisclosed reasons. He is outside the “Snoop World” (See Montana Management Co.) The thing is that his mansion looks like a fucking castle you’d see in Disney World. Perspective fucks with us so much in this one. As he is behind Snoop World mansion, he’s sitting in the bonnet. Smoking what seems to be a Swisher Sweet and his arm is in another car. There are also three dogs in the pictures with shining diamonds.

Lemon Pie

Lemon Pie is, like the most herbs reviewed in this page, a Sativa Dominant Marijuana Weed strain, according to my sources, it has an “energizing effect”, helps with stress and shit, but all of this is bullshit, this marketing thing is nothing more than what greeks knew as the “Myth”, but for this kind of shit, the Logos is more important. We smoked this shit in a funny situation, we were underpressure, terrible vibrations all around us. We smoked the bowl and as I exhaled, I was already in this album cover:

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In this majestic piece of art we can see a 3 shadow people behind a big black man plkaying cheese, if you made the mistake of asking yourself “Who is the Big Black Man playing chess with”, you’ll get inmideatly to the answer, as it is crystal clear that he is playing chess with Lucifer himself. They’re in a literal map from DOOM 2: Hell on Earth. This picture describe the situation perfectly, we were cheating death.

Virus

This plant is endemic from my country, national products are shit in this country but marijuana is the exception which proves the rule. This is an Indica strain which allowed us to have psychotic breaks in a park in middle of nowhere. Very funny experiences not seeing shit trying to find a water source. I give this bud the rating of Three 6 Mafia - When the Smoke Clears

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Well, what can I say about this one. We have 3 guys and a woman. The look in the dude’s faces can be labeled as “intimidating”, they’re not the kind of people you’d like to have an argument with (especially taking into account they’re from Memphis). Then we look at the woman’s look. She doesn’t look intimidating, she looks like the mother of the other 3 dudes.

Hulk

Another Sativa, how original, huh? This one is relatively out budget as the price isn’t as competitive as the other buds listed here. Nevertheless, this bud, depsite the price, will make you go to Saturn and back. We were so high on this thing that we moved to a timeline in which the rapper Ruby da Cherry is brazilian and his name is Ruby Da Sousa. Such liminal experience deserves something very liminal: the physical version of DJ Screw - The Legend

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Shit exists.

Hierba Turolense

>“Most natural weed is the one that grows in earth” — Vivaldi

Local is good, it’s a known fact, sometimes, a friend of yours have the opportunity to taste a local product, and sometimes, your friend lets you taste the wonders of Teruel. This was an impressive sample of weed Marijuana, we had Mandanga Style, one of the best spots ever, munchies and a telepathic conversation in the subway. Picture for this bud it’s not designed by Pen and Pixel but i don’t care.

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No comments on the picture.

Gorilla

According to the internet, this is a indica strain, but according to the club, it’s sativa, so i’d say it’s sativa. While we were smoking this bud we were one step above human evolution, using entities with more intelligence than a human being to help us write something. Blunt lasted at least 45 minutes, it was good. This sample deserves the last album cover designed by pen and pixel: 21 Savage - Savage Mode II (Chopped not slopped)

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In this picture we can see many things that defined the style of Pen And Pixel, such as expensive cars, a mansion, and cool shining text.

The funny thing about this cover are the protagonists, in this picture we can see 21 Savage being the most black dude ever, throwing dice, like he’s choosing someone’s fate, and metro boomin doesn’t know what he’s doing there.

Piñata

We might struggle because life’s a bitch, when it isn’t you can get quality C. Sativa samples. This is a good bud that will smell from here to Saturn without a simple problem. The following thing happened after getting more buds:

  1. My friend starts to roll a joint
  2. I give him material to work with, he said that he will add Piñata lately
  3. My man mixed my other material with the thing I gave him before
  4. I ask him what the fuck he’s doing
  5. We laugh for 2 minutes straight
  6. He adds Piñata
  7. He adds hash
  8. ???
  9. We had Aqui no hay quien viva playing in the club’s television

I don’t really know what happened, but then we ate a kebab. This shit must have Gucci Mane - The Burrpint the movie 3D:

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Just look at the thing for 3 seconds, what the hell is going it there, that was our situation, we did not know who we were, what were we doing there, the only thing we had is a joint waiting to be smoked.

SURAGU’s delight (a.k.a. Alzhaimer)

You know when in Terraria you can buy this table from the goblin that allows you to combine multiple items into one? Well, you can do the same thing with weed, you can mix multiple strains in the same joint. Or you can add hash to the joint (a.k.a. mariachi)

In the part of the world in which I reside, putting tobacco in the joint is the most common practice, because we’re not Rockefeller and can’t afford greens.

SURAGU’s delight formula is the following: Amnesia (grass) + Amnesia (Hash). But they’re rolled as a Moroccan joint ¹

Some people go to nightclubs and shit to have a good time, I don’t. I don’t need a nightclub, I got a wasteland near home. This joint got me seeing Canserbero in the stars, also inventing sentences reading car’s license plates. A very unusual experience I must say. Then I smoked a pipe of this same combination, Deltoya by extremoduro gets the vibe pretty well:

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Not literally, but I think it expresses the feeling pretty well. You could say the dude in the cover is having a psychotic break and desired to look at the moon while naked. Or you can also think that the dude just got done showering, he’s naked, but he was so high he forgot he made a bong before showering, so before dressing, he hit the bong, but he hit the shit too hard he had to get a grip from the door and he’s exhaling the smoke like a motherfucker.

I don’t know what Robe wanted to express with this album cover. But it’s a pretty good damn one.

1: Also called “Sevillanos” or “Spanish Joint”, but the truth is that joints rolled with a cig were invented by moroccans. We do it in Spain because we have morocco right here I guess, but anyways, I won’t argue with the guys who invented hash who invented this method of rolling hash joints.

Green Crack

You’re probably thinking the first thing I thought when I saw this strain’s name “what the fuck”, this is strain is called Green Crack for unknown reasons, there is also a substrain called “Super Green Crack”, which my lungs have not behold yet. So I can only talk about Green Crack. This is a Sativa grass, and such sativa.

So we gave a few puffs to the Green Crack joint and we remembered that THC is a neuroprotective chemical rather than a neurotoxic one so we looked for “weed helps with alzhaimer” in a search engine, which redirected us to a website which listed “Green Crack” as the best strain out there for Alzhaimer. Then we forgot why we were in that website.

The effects of this were, well, I guess they were good because I do not remember. Anyways, this gets Ill Pekeño - Av. Rafaela Ybarra

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This is a Spanish rapper who sounds like MF DOOM and plagiarized Pen & Pixel style. So I think it’s pretty epic

Desert Cake

When there is no Amnesia, there’s Desert Cake, similar price, different effect. The main difference is the potency, I’d say that this one is more potent than Amnesia, or it may not, it maybe be worse and I think it’s better juts because it is a few cents more expensive, I guess we will never know unless we do a laboratory analysis of a sample of this strain, but I ain’t doing a fucking lab analysys to a fucking plant to see if it is better or worse, shit gets you high and that’s what matters, what do you want me to say. I will give this UGK - Too Hard to Swallow

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I don’t know, I just find it funny. The rappers are just chilling in what seems to be somewhere in Texas, or they might as well be in Pinto, Spain, who knows, everything is possible, I’ve heard so many things about Texas rapper that you can tell me that DJ Screw is alive in Cuba and if it is true, it would not surprise me.

Caramel (Hash)

Truth is that despite the fact that most things reviewed here is weed, I smoke a lot of hash because it’s cheaper, i mean, a gram of weed and a gram of hash are about the same price, but you can roll a joint with quantity of hash, a grass joint needs more weed. And I’m not rockefeller. In Spain, for geographic reasons, best hash is in the streets, not in the clubs (not the case for weed). For this reason, despite the hash in the clubs is good, when you light a hash joint it wont perfume the room with that characteristic smell of the Moroccan streets (i’ve never been in Morocco). I think that this deserves Mad at the world by Point Blank.

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Without this album, The Legend could not have been such The Legend as he is. This album is good, but what I find the funniest thing about this album cover is the original Point Blank picture, which is sadly, lost media. But I can have an idea of what it was like, I imagine Point Blank at his garage doing weird poses until they found the most epic one. I wonder how much of the stuff he’s wearing is real, like his cap looks fake, so does his chains. Anyways, he’s holding the Earth while it is collapsing, and the earth is throwing people away, my theory is that Point Blank is the Ultimate God Of The Universe. And Three 6 Mafia escaped the earth in their giants stereos while Point Blank was destroying it. As seen in the cover of their album “The End”.

Mortal Kombat (ft. akvvma)

We want to start this one saluting our friend Endemic a.k.a. CP¹ Violation. Not only he gave me the idea to review weed with Pen and Pixel graphics but he has gotten us into good underground shit. The name is “mortal kombat” and it’s a sative but we are not schizophrenics, we’re just thinking what to write in this thing. Does not honor its name. It’s a sativa but we’re having a Mortal Kombat just to come up with something to write.

What’s up blazers, akvvma here to take over this bitch-ass review. A lot of motherfuckers think they know how to write music nowadays because technology has made it easier to do literally anything, no wonder why there’s so many BZRP clones out there. There’s also a lot of crackers that think that because they listened to half a Kendrick Lamar album and Makaveli they know about hood politics and shit. Portishead really hit the nail on what this music bullshit means. The soft mellow scratched beats combined with the soothing voice of a soprano really makes you feel okay listening to hip hop music while being white. This record changed my life and my outlook on music, listen to my fucking record.

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It’s the right feeling of “alternative”. And the album is epic.

1: for legal reasons this means “copy”

Cheetos

And get more cheese than doritos, cheetos or fritos

– Mucho Fumar DOOM

Look I don’t even know what to say at this point, I have come to the conclusion that I only write these reviews because I’m bored rather than because I have something meaningful to say. I am smoking a plant that the humankind wanted to call “cheetos” for some reason I’ll never understand, according to weed websites, this bud has the taste of cheetos but guess what it tastes like smoke. Anyways, apparently the thing is an Indica, and yeah I am having somnolence despite the monster I drank before. Good sample of Weed Marijuana, indeed. As I can’t think of an album cover to use, I am just going to share this meme

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Gas Station Weed (The Legend of the Plug)

Sometimes, you’re too lazy to go to the club to get your weed, because the club is too far away, it’s understandable to be lazy one day. But I cannot be a weedless stoner, so I gotta call the Crazy Moor to get some stuff, the Crazy Moor would give brick weed and brick hash to everyone, so we ceased buying stuff from him, thing is that one day we literally had no other choice because we ran out of weed and the club was too far away and there was no human way to be there in time. This guy is the McDonalds of weed, you can visit him at any time of day and he replies your messages with “what the deal?” within 30 seconds. Thing is that this dude is going to take you to the most weird places of the city, the “where the fuck my plug takin me” meme ain’t no meme.

We got some hash and weed from the Crazy Moor, and he has improved his quality. A lot, we could not believe this was coming from the Crazy Moor. I’m pretty happy that the guy could improve his stuff. I hope his business goes well these days. Have a picture of a Perc

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